1 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,238 [indistinct chatter] 2 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,507 GARRISON: OK, kids, let's take our seats. 3 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,677 Now I know you've all heard about the midterms 4 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:13,612 and the severe beating our president took. 5 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,314 - What are midterms? 6 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:17,683 - And of course, we could just go on and on 7 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,152 and make a bunch of jokes about him, 8 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:22,488 but it's no fun punching down on a helpless loser. 9 00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:25,257 So we're just gonna sort of not do that this week, OK? 10 00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:29,461 However, the school is going to be implementing some 11 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,597 liberal changes, and so 12 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,766 please welcome... 13 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,000 PC Principal. 14 00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:38,771 [upbeat techno music] 15 00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,506 - Fuck yeah! 16 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:41,574 ? ? 17 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,108 Fuck yes, dude! 18 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:46,011 ? ? 19 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,846 Yeah, we are back! 20 00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:49,848 We are fucking back, baby! 21 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:50,983 Whoo! 22 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,752 Oh. All right, everyone, listen up. 23 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,654 I don't know about you, but I've been pretty messed up 24 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:55,789 the last couple years, 25 00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:56,922 but we are back! 26 00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,457 We're fucking back, bro. 27 00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,225 Fuck yes, bro! Fuck yeah! 28 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:02,044 We are gonna get shit back on track. 29 00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:03,762 We are gonna be tolerant. 30 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,931 We're gonna be respectful of all races. 31 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,010 We're gonna have fucking sex changes all fucking students. 32 00:01:09,011 --> 00:01:11,638 We're gonna-we're gonna support fucking Palestine! 33 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,105 And we are no longer 34 00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:15,207 going to forget about the minority 35 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,509 and the gay students at this school. 36 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,179 - Gay students at this school? 37 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,914 Oh, my God. 38 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:24,583 [school bell rings] 39 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:26,752 You guys. You guys! 40 00:01:26,821 --> 00:01:28,720 We forgot. Oh, my God, guys, 41 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:31,056 we totally forgot. - We forgot what? 42 00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:32,492 - Last week with the stupid elections 43 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,760 and us bitching about the school lunches, 44 00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:37,396 we forgot it was Craig and Tweek's anniversary. 45 00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:38,498 [all gasp] 46 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,899 - Wait, it was? [gasps] 47 00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:42,734 Oh, my God, it was. 48 00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:44,838 - It was their anniversary and we all forgot. 49 00:01:44,839 --> 00:01:46,839 I feel like such an asshole, you guys. 50 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,437 - Hey, fellas. Fellas, we just realized something. 51 00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,410 - Yes, Jimmy, we all feel horrible. 52 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:53,580 Nobody remembered Tweek and Craig's anniversary. 53 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,414 - No, i-it's worse than that. 54 00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:58,050 We're not the only ones who forgot. 55 00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,191 - Uh, Craig? 56 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,026 - Oh, hey, Tweek. 57 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:11,263 - Uh, I was thinking maybe it would be cool to do something. 58 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:14,099 You know, like, we haven't hung out in a bit. 59 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,236 - Yeah, sorry, Tweek, I've been crazy busy. 60 00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,638 I had practice all last week and then five big games 61 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,272 over the weekend. 62 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,974 - Wow. That much, huh? 63 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,444 Ever since you got on that team, it seems like you always 64 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,111 have a big game. 65 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,346 - Yeah, I know. 66 00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,349 Club sports aren't like school sports. 67 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,040 It seriously takes up all my time. 68 00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,921 They charge my parents a ton of money 69 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,703 and I have to be totally committed. 70 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:38,090 - Yeah, being committed is important. 71 00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,324 - Yeah, I guess so. 72 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,393 Well, we'll hang out soon, OK? 73 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,795 - Uh, hey, Craig. 74 00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,330 Happy- 75 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,499 happy practice time. 76 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,068 - Thanks. I'll try to call you later, OK? 77 00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:54,773 [somber music] 78 00:02:54,875 --> 00:03:01,914 ? ? 79 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:06,185 [cell phone ringing] 80 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:11,924 ? ? 81 00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:13,659 [phone beeps] 82 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,761 - Bro, I am so sorry. 83 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,996 - It's fine. I'm fine. 84 00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:19,933 - No, everyone feels like shit, dude. 85 00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:22,035 And we heard Craig forgot too. But don't worry, man. 86 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,536 Craig's gonna always be there for you. 87 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:26,072 - No, I know, it's just 'cause he's been really busy 88 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,843 with his club sports, with all his games and practices. 89 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,777 - Oh, he's doing club sports? 90 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,579 Oh. - What? 91 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,047 - No, no, nothing. It's cool. 92 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,250 Just kids that get into club sports kind of 93 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,718 aren't able to do anything ever again. 94 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,387 Well, I mean, it's just, they get new friends 95 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,922 and they're all club sports friends, you know. 96 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,491 And they hang out in hotels together and go on trips. 97 00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:47,694 You ever seen that show, "Heated Rivalry," Tweek? 98 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,428 - No! - Yeah, it's not good. 99 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,064 Those guys go at it pretty hardcore. 100 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,966 Well, have a good day, Tweek. Happy anniversary. 101 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,400 [phone beeps] 102 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,635 - Bah! 103 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,303 Ahh! 104 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,108 - School sports are fine, 105 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,377 but they only take a child so far. 106 00:04:05,378 --> 00:04:06,746 That's why it's great to hear 107 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,847 you might wanna join club sports. 108 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,650 - Ah! Yeah! I wanna join club sports. 109 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:12,851 - OK, great! 110 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,721 Now, folks, did you have that $26 tryout fee? 111 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:18,824 - Oh, well, we're just seeing what it's all about first. 112 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:21,159 - Yeah, that's a $26 fee. 113 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:24,496 Then we can talk about the club sports. 114 00:04:26,419 --> 00:04:28,501 [beep] 115 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:29,635 OK, great! 116 00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:31,604 So SACS was founded earlier this year. 117 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,406 I actually used to own a branding company 118 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:34,706 called Cumhammer, 119 00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:37,243 but when AI came along, nobody needed branding companies 120 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:39,354 so I turned it into an underwear company, 121 00:04:39,355 --> 00:04:41,547 and that underwear company now sponsors 122 00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,682 this amazing facility for kids! 123 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,819 - Mom, Dad, please, I really want to do this. 124 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:50,188 - Tweek, I don't know if we even have the time. 125 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:51,758 - Well, that's just it, isn't it? 126 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:54,593 How much time are we willing to take for our kids? 127 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,663 With the $26 fee, we could just assess if this is right 128 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,131 for your child. 129 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,499 - OK, fine. 130 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:03,568 - OK, great. That'll be $26. 131 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,437 - No, we paid the $26. 132 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,172 - That was a different $26. 133 00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:09,541 This is a $26 assessment fee. 134 00:05:12,046 --> 00:05:13,445 [beep] OK, well, 135 00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:15,515 looking at your child, I'd say he's good for club sports. 136 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,386 Assessment passed. Ready to move on? 137 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,951 - How much more would we have to spend? 138 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,310 - There's club dues, and you have to purchase 139 00:05:22,311 --> 00:05:24,023 officially licensed Cumhammer apparel, 140 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:27,059 but you have to think of your child's future. 141 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,628 Without this, he probably won't get into college. 142 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:30,862 - Ah-ha! 143 00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:32,231 - All these other kids are doing it. 144 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,599 They're gonna leave him in the dust, 145 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,168 and he's gonna have no future at all. 146 00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,768 He'll be dead in a ditch. 147 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,170 - Wha-ha-ha! 148 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,906 - Well, I-I guess we could try it. 149 00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:41,974 - All right! 150 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,276 Let's get some paperwork going, 151 00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:45,545 get you guys fitted, and he can start club sports 152 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,546 tomorrow morning! 153 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,851 [alarm blaring] 154 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:54,771 - Gah! 155 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:55,954 We gotta go! 156 00:05:57,191 --> 00:06:00,258 [birds tweeting] 157 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,063 - [yawns] God. 158 00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:06,165 - How much further is it? 159 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:08,900 - It's a long way, Tweek. 160 00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:20,946 - Hey, folks, you made it! 161 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,514 You ready to go, Tweek? 162 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:23,782 - Gah! 163 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:26,051 - OK, you can park right over there, folks. 164 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,286 It's just a $15 parking fee. 165 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:29,821 But SACS gets a discount, 166 00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:31,758 so it's just 10 bucks if you go through us. 167 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:32,958 [beep] 168 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,962 Come right on in this way. 169 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,998 Oh, did you folks want to come in too? 170 00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:41,801 - Well, yes, what else are we supposed to- 171 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,802 - OK, it's just a $20 spectator fee 172 00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:45,704 for your wristbands. 173 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,706 [beep] 174 00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:49,542 All right, we're gonna get the kids warmed up. 175 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,910 Why don't you folks head up to the bar? 176 00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,818 - Hey, Craig! 177 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:02,805 - Tweek? 178 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,490 - Yeah. I joined the club, Craig. 179 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,427 - Why? 180 00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:12,664 - Y-you're not excited to see me? 181 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:15,333 - Yes, I'm extremely excited to see you. 182 00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:17,769 - You don't sound very excited. 183 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:22,073 - I never sound excited. [whistle blares] 184 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,876 - All right, guys, come on, let's get ready! 185 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,012 Now, before we start this big day, 186 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,115 is everyone wearing Cumhammer underwear? 187 00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:31,650 all: Yes. 188 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:34,653 - OK, great, now let's get my A tier level kids over here, 189 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:37,322 and my B tier kids over there. 190 00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:39,692 Oh, no, no, no, no, you're B tier, there, Tweek. 191 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,193 You gotta get on that side. 192 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:45,331 I don't want you guys mixing with the B tier kids, all right? 193 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,399 They suck. [bleep] those kids. 194 00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:52,537 - Oh, hey, guys. 195 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,773 We heard Tweek joined club sports. 196 00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:57,143 - Yeah, we didn't know it would be this far of a drive. 197 00:07:57,144 --> 00:08:00,545 - Yes, well, we all have to sacrifice for our kids. 198 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,347 - OK, great job, parents! 199 00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:04,116 Really good turnout this morning. 200 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,952 OK, now everyone... 201 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,186 back in your cars! 202 00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,289 We're gonna get to Castle Pines for the next one! 203 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,458 Come on, let's go! Get those kids to the next one! 204 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,125 Don't let them get left behind! 205 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,228 - Whoa, whoa, wait, we're leaving? 206 00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,830 The kids haven't played anything. 207 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,799 - What do you mean? We're playing right now. 208 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,834 Come on, you gotta get your kid to the next thing! 209 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,335 Let's go, go, go! 210 00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,736 - ? Yay-yay ? 211 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,238 [hip-hop music] 212 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,673 - ? Uh-huh ? - Come on, Tweek. 213 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,075 - [Tweek grunts] - ? Uh-huh ? 214 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,743 - Where's it say we're supposed to go? 215 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,677 - Uh, I think it's the next highway. 216 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,246 ? ? 217 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:35,747 - ? We be clubbin' ? 218 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,082 - Great job, Mom and Dad! 219 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,184 They're just doing $6 parking here. 220 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,553 [beep] - ? Get your club on ? 221 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,221 - ? We clubbin' ? - OK, yelllow wrist band 222 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,355 for spectators. 223 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:44,923 [beep] - ? Yay-yay ? 224 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,042 - ? We be clubbin' ? 225 00:08:46,043 --> 00:08:47,827 - All right, let's go, South America! 226 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,561 Come on, we gotta get to Thorton. 227 00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:51,897 - ? We be clubbin' ? 228 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:54,399 - 37 miles, then get on C-470. 229 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,835 - ? Get your club on ? - Ah-ha! 230 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,404 - ? We be clubbin' ? - ? Yay-yay ? 231 00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,073 - All right, let's get that parking. 232 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,008 [beep] 233 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,344 Purple wristbands? Who needs purple wristbands? 234 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,946 - ? Get your club on ? - ? We be clubbin' ? 235 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,314 - Listen, I don't even want you looking 236 00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,015 at those B tier kids, OK? 237 00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,918 [bleep] them. They're [bleep] terrible. 238 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,619 OK, gotta check in to the motel, moms and dads! 239 00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,388 - ? We be clubbin' ? 240 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,716 - Come on, Dad. Come on, Dad. 241 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,057 Check in to that motel! 242 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,227 - I-I think we're just gonna sleep at home. 243 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,495 - Doesn't matter. You gotta stay to play. 244 00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:24,530 Come on, Dad! Club sports! Club sports! 245 00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,631 - ? Get your club ? 246 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,199 - ? We be clubbin' ? 247 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,318 [beep] - ? Yay-yay ? 248 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,736 - ? We be clubbin' ? [beep] 249 00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,639 - You got those keys? OK, [bleep] those keys. 250 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,241 You don't need 'em. Let's get to Evergreen! 251 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,810 Get this special merchandise! 252 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,544 Come on, get that merchandise! 253 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:44,165 Let's go, South America! South America, let's go! 254 00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:52,207 [alarm blaring] [both screaming] 255 00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:53,409 - We gotta go! We gotta go! 256 00:09:53,410 --> 00:09:55,210 - We gotta go! 257 00:09:55,211 --> 00:09:56,279 - Tweek! - Ahh! 258 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:57,846 - We gotta get to Boulder! 259 00:09:57,948 --> 00:09:59,914 - Waah! 260 00:09:59,915 --> 00:10:01,951 - Electrolytes! Everyone take electrolytes! 261 00:10:01,952 --> 00:10:03,818 Tweek, electrolytes! 262 00:10:05,956 --> 00:10:07,466 - Good job, Mom and Dad. [beep] 263 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:08,604 There's your parking. 264 00:10:08,605 --> 00:10:10,459 OK, now turn around and get to Fort Collins! 265 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:11,994 It's an hour that way! Go, go, go! 266 00:10:11,995 --> 00:10:13,495 - Oh! 267 00:10:20,637 --> 00:10:23,338 - Craig? Craig, I don't understand this. 268 00:10:23,407 --> 00:10:25,740 W-we just keep driving from town to town, 269 00:10:25,741 --> 00:10:28,044 checking into hotel rooms, and paying for stuff! 270 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,644 - Yeah, dude, it's club sports. 271 00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,614 It totally sucks. Why'd you want to join this? 272 00:10:32,683 --> 00:10:35,784 - Well, because I thought I could spend time with you. 273 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,652 I just want to do something to- 274 00:10:37,688 --> 00:10:39,754 you know, celebrate. 275 00:10:39,755 --> 00:10:41,524 - Well, you're in club sports now too, 276 00:10:41,525 --> 00:10:43,358 so you're just as busy as me. 277 00:10:43,359 --> 00:10:45,194 I think maybe we have the afternoon off 278 00:10:45,195 --> 00:10:46,195 a week from Thursday. 279 00:10:46,196 --> 00:10:47,996 We could try to do something then. 280 00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:50,699 - Whoa, whoa! What's going on, you two? 281 00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:53,601 You're not supposed to be together. 282 00:10:53,602 --> 00:10:55,705 You can't hang out with the B tier kids, OK? 283 00:10:55,706 --> 00:10:57,340 They're terrible. Just look at 'em. 284 00:10:57,341 --> 00:10:59,991 No, don't actually look at 'em. They'll make you sick. 285 00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:04,112 - So how are you guys liking club sports so far? 286 00:11:04,181 --> 00:11:06,414 - Oh, it's pretty exhausting. 287 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,651 This week we've had to wake up at 5:00 in the morning 288 00:11:08,652 --> 00:11:11,753 a few times and go to 20 different towns. 289 00:11:11,855 --> 00:11:14,556 - Well, lucky your kid's just in B tier. 290 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,225 In A tier we've had to get up at 3:30 a.m. 291 00:11:17,327 --> 00:11:19,661 to get our kid to training and dieticians 292 00:11:19,730 --> 00:11:22,297 before driving to 30 different towns 293 00:11:22,366 --> 00:11:24,799 and stay in 14 different hotel rooms. 294 00:11:24,868 --> 00:11:27,602 - Oh, you're so lucky you only have one kid. 295 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:29,872 We spent the week getting up at 2:00 in the morning 296 00:11:29,873 --> 00:11:32,607 to get our three kids to 50 different cities 297 00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:35,877 and stay at 9 hotel rooms at the same time. 298 00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:38,713 - I wish we could just drive to 50 different cities. 299 00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:41,983 We woke up every morning at midnight to get our four kids 300 00:11:42,085 --> 00:11:45,353 to 87 different hotel rooms while we were still driving 301 00:11:45,354 --> 00:11:47,089 so we could get our youngest to a meet 302 00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:49,524 in a little town at the top of Mount Evans. 303 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:52,360 - Don't we wish we could sleep until midnight? 304 00:11:52,361 --> 00:11:54,530 I volunteer to run concessions for the meetups 305 00:11:54,531 --> 00:11:57,165 and my husband does the video for the livestream, 306 00:11:57,267 --> 00:12:00,201 so we've had to wake up before we've had dinner 307 00:12:00,270 --> 00:12:02,637 and drive to 120 different towns 308 00:12:02,706 --> 00:12:06,141 and stay in 200 motel rooms in the state of Nevada. 309 00:12:06,209 --> 00:12:08,042 UBER MOM: Hey, guys! 310 00:12:08,111 --> 00:12:10,078 - Oh, God, it's the Bowers. 311 00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:12,914 - Oh, my God, I'm exhausted! 312 00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:16,618 WE just drove our six kids to 92 different cities, 313 00:12:16,686 --> 00:12:19,988 got our youngest to a meet at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, 314 00:12:20,056 --> 00:12:23,591 and stayed at 46 hotels in one afternoon! 315 00:12:23,627 --> 00:12:26,027 - Yeah, yeah, you guys are really good parents. 316 00:12:26,028 --> 00:12:27,096 - Well, I don't know about that, 317 00:12:27,097 --> 00:12:28,597 but we did run all the concessions 318 00:12:28,598 --> 00:12:31,933 and the streaming cameras in the entire southeast United States. 319 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,802 - It was crazy! 320 00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:37,472 But who wouldn't do all that for their kids, right? 321 00:12:37,574 --> 00:12:39,140 Who wouldn't? 322 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,815 CRAIG: Tweek? Tweek, wait up. 323 00:12:46,917 --> 00:12:48,883 - Hey, Craig. - Tweek, 324 00:12:48,952 --> 00:12:50,452 I think I owe you an apology. 325 00:12:50,453 --> 00:12:52,788 I forgot something and it was really important, 326 00:12:52,789 --> 00:12:54,556 and I'm sorry. 327 00:12:54,624 --> 00:12:56,057 - Really? - Yeah. 328 00:12:56,058 --> 00:12:58,394 I forgot my parents are driving me to a hydrating seminar 329 00:12:58,395 --> 00:13:01,162 a week from Thursday, so I actually can't hang out. 330 00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,399 What? 331 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,502 - You don't care about anything, do you? 332 00:13:06,503 --> 00:13:07,869 - What? - Your parents say 333 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,005 you gotta do all this stuff and you're just like... 334 00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:12,274 [gruff voice] OK, I guess I just gotta do this now. 335 00:13:12,275 --> 00:13:13,775 My name's Craig. Whatever. 336 00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:15,678 I don't really care about anything. 337 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,479 - Hey, knock it off. That's not cool. 338 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:19,048 - [normally] Oh, you care about that? 339 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,382 [gruff voice] I thought Craig Tucker 340 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,618 didn't care about anything. Whatever. It's fine. 341 00:13:22,619 --> 00:13:23,819 - I don't sound like that. 342 00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:24,753 - [gruff voice] "I don't sound like that." 343 00:13:24,754 --> 00:13:26,120 It is what it is, Tweek. 344 00:13:26,121 --> 00:13:28,224 - If you feel like that, then why are we even together? 345 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,359 - [normally] You call all this being together? 346 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,560 - Hold on a second! 347 00:13:32,629 --> 00:13:35,430 You guys are [bleep] gay? 348 00:13:35,499 --> 00:13:37,098 - We used to be best friends. 349 00:13:37,167 --> 00:13:40,869 - Yeah, we were best friends for about a year! 350 00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:43,638 - Why didn't you tell me you were [bleep] gay? 351 00:13:43,707 --> 00:13:45,607 That can bring in big money! 352 00:13:45,675 --> 00:13:47,842 Well, this changes everything! 353 00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:53,948 - I don't know how the other parents do it, Helen. 354 00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:57,118 All the money, all the time- 355 00:13:57,220 --> 00:14:00,288 we can't keep up with these club sports. 356 00:14:00,357 --> 00:14:04,125 - Richard, I think we might have to face the fact that 357 00:14:04,194 --> 00:14:06,861 we're just shitty parents. 358 00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:10,198 - Yeah, I guess we're just shitty parents. 359 00:14:10,199 --> 00:14:11,967 But there's no way we can keep this up. 360 00:14:11,968 --> 00:14:14,669 We've gotta cut our losses and get back to coffee. 361 00:14:14,670 --> 00:14:16,972 We're just gonna have to break the news to Tweek 362 00:14:16,973 --> 00:14:18,574 that he's not gonna have any future 363 00:14:18,575 --> 00:14:20,109 and he'll probably get left behind. 364 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,576 [knocking on door] 365 00:14:22,679 --> 00:14:24,646 Oh, boy. 366 00:14:26,883 --> 00:14:28,783 - Hey, folks! How we doin'? 367 00:14:28,885 --> 00:14:29,935 - Wait, what? 368 00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:31,387 How-how did you get in the front door? 369 00:14:31,388 --> 00:14:32,587 - I have a wristband. 370 00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:34,989 Got some really exciting news, Mom and Dad! 371 00:14:35,058 --> 00:14:37,992 Your son's just made triple A tier! 372 00:14:37,993 --> 00:14:39,695 I brought you guys some free swag. 373 00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:40,862 Some champagne. 374 00:14:40,863 --> 00:14:42,898 And out in the car, there's a year's supply 375 00:14:42,899 --> 00:14:44,499 of Cumhammer underwear! 376 00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,135 - Look, I'm sorry, but we've decided 377 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,937 we don't have what it takes to be club sports parents. 378 00:14:48,938 --> 00:14:50,372 - I don't think you understand. 379 00:14:50,373 --> 00:14:52,173 Your son is triple A now! 380 00:14:52,242 --> 00:14:53,675 - So what is that? 381 00:14:53,777 --> 00:14:54,943 More money? 382 00:14:55,045 --> 00:14:57,078 - No! No way! 383 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,347 Your son's a player, not a payer. 384 00:14:59,348 --> 00:15:02,785 - Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it. 385 00:15:02,786 --> 00:15:05,436 There's something really special about your child. 386 00:15:05,455 --> 00:15:07,755 He's got a big future ahead of him. 387 00:15:07,791 --> 00:15:10,258 And a child as elite as yours, they're up here. 388 00:15:10,293 --> 00:15:12,026 They're not payin' for stuff. 389 00:15:12,095 --> 00:15:13,355 - So then who pays for him? 390 00:15:13,363 --> 00:15:15,029 - All those other kids. 391 00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:16,599 They're not players, they're payers. 392 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:17,665 [bleep] those kids. 393 00:15:17,734 --> 00:15:19,567 They're gonna pay your son's way. 394 00:15:19,636 --> 00:15:22,770 - The problem is, we have a coffee shop to run. 395 00:15:22,771 --> 00:15:23,839 - Well, that's OK. 396 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,174 SACS is gonna get employees 397 00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:27,045 to work your coffee shop for you too! 398 00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,953 And you know who's gonna pay for it? 399 00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:31,842 Those other [bleep] kids, that's who's gonna pay for it. 400 00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:34,483 All the parents and kids who aren't great at this stuff, 401 00:15:34,484 --> 00:15:36,184 [bleep] those kids! 402 00:15:36,286 --> 00:15:37,719 This is triple A, guys. 403 00:15:37,821 --> 00:15:39,320 You're in the big leagues now. 404 00:15:43,994 --> 00:15:46,294 SACS LEADER: We all love our kids. 405 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,396 We all want what's best for them. 406 00:15:48,465 --> 00:15:50,098 And in today's world, 407 00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:53,701 all our children really need...is SACS. 408 00:15:53,737 --> 00:15:56,738 South American Club Sports will give your child 409 00:15:56,806 --> 00:15:59,474 the skills they need to succeed in life. 410 00:15:59,509 --> 00:16:01,876 Skills like checking in to hotel rooms 411 00:16:01,978 --> 00:16:03,544 while applying group rates, 412 00:16:03,647 --> 00:16:05,847 managing frequent flier miles, 413 00:16:05,915 --> 00:16:09,117 downloading parking apps, and so much more. 414 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:12,787 Doesn't your child deserve to have SACS? 415 00:16:12,856 --> 00:16:14,555 We are the one youth sports club 416 00:16:14,591 --> 00:16:16,624 with all the very best young athletes. 417 00:16:16,693 --> 00:16:19,961 And now South American Club Sports even has 418 00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:21,262 triple A members... 419 00:16:21,331 --> 00:16:23,665 Tweek and Craig! 420 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,700 Heated Rivalry! 421 00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:27,202 Don't let your child miss out 422 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:29,037 on being a part of a winning team. 423 00:16:29,139 --> 00:16:31,489 Just listen to what Tweek and Craig have to say 424 00:16:31,541 --> 00:16:33,408 about South America Club Sports. 425 00:16:33,510 --> 00:16:34,560 ? ? 426 00:16:37,380 --> 00:16:40,983 Come on, guys, what do you have to say 427 00:16:40,984 --> 00:16:42,734 about South America Club Sports? 428 00:16:45,321 --> 00:16:47,255 Hey, come on, gay guys. 429 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,691 You can be mad at each other, 430 00:16:48,692 --> 00:16:50,591 but you gotta still work for the team. 431 00:16:50,694 --> 00:16:53,027 - Hey what are us A tier kids supposed to do? 432 00:16:53,063 --> 00:16:55,096 - You're supposed to get outta here! 433 00:16:55,198 --> 00:16:57,031 You can't be around triple A kids! 434 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,433 You guys [bleep] suck! 435 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,169 - That doesn't feel very nice, sir. 436 00:17:00,170 --> 00:17:01,837 - I don't care! Go stare in the toilet 437 00:17:01,838 --> 00:17:03,588 or something, you pieces of shit! 438 00:17:04,096 --> 00:17:06,742 All right, come on, gay guys. 439 00:17:06,743 --> 00:17:09,610 Just say, like, "SACS builds confidence." 440 00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,914 - [laughs] It's just been a crazy day! 441 00:17:12,982 --> 00:17:14,672 We had to drive to the northeast, 442 00:17:14,718 --> 00:17:16,951 work the concessions at 100 cities, 443 00:17:17,053 --> 00:17:20,388 and check in to every hotel room in Vermont. 444 00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:21,823 - Well, we had to get up 445 00:17:21,925 --> 00:17:24,058 and fly to every airport in California. 446 00:17:24,094 --> 00:17:26,327 - Oh, yeah, poor you. [laughing] 447 00:17:26,429 --> 00:17:28,162 TWEEK'S MOM: Oh, hey, guys! 448 00:17:28,163 --> 00:17:30,599 Oh, my God, we just got our itinerary 449 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:31,899 for triple A team! 450 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,601 It's crazy! 451 00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,504 - Mr. And Mrs. Tweek? 452 00:17:36,573 --> 00:17:38,406 - Yeah, as a triple A parent, 453 00:17:38,441 --> 00:17:40,842 you really have to sacrifice for your child. 454 00:17:40,944 --> 00:17:43,311 We're about to go all over the world! 455 00:17:43,379 --> 00:17:44,946 - Itinerary's pretty crazy. 456 00:17:44,947 --> 00:17:46,582 Every city in Europe followed by 457 00:17:46,583 --> 00:17:48,583 3,000 hotels in the South Pacific, 458 00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:50,718 accessible only by submersible- 459 00:17:50,754 --> 00:17:52,520 and that's just the first two days. 460 00:17:52,589 --> 00:17:54,279 - But you know, who wouldn't want 461 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,457 to sacrifice for their kids? 462 00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,694 - You [bleep] bitch. 463 00:18:00,563 --> 00:18:01,613 [toy squeaks] 464 00:18:01,631 --> 00:18:02,681 - Come on, gay kids. 465 00:18:02,732 --> 00:18:03,782 [toy squeaks] 466 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,643 Come on, let's see some enthusiasm. 467 00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,101 [toy squeaks] 468 00:18:07,102 --> 00:18:08,303 - Can't you just be happy that 469 00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:09,804 we're in the same league now? 470 00:18:09,873 --> 00:18:11,139 I'm happy. 471 00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:12,640 I'm super happy. 472 00:18:12,709 --> 00:18:14,308 - No, you're not happy! 473 00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:15,778 We're in triple A, so now we're never gonna 474 00:18:15,779 --> 00:18:17,812 have a free minute to do anything! 475 00:18:17,881 --> 00:18:19,313 This is stupid. 476 00:18:22,118 --> 00:18:23,484 I quit! 477 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,088 [door slams] 478 00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:30,192 - What the hell are you doin'? You gotta go after him! 479 00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,160 - Just leave him alone. 480 00:18:31,161 --> 00:18:32,360 He doesn't wanna do it. 481 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,530 - Well, you gotta go convince him to do it! 482 00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:37,098 I can put you on B team like that, Craig. 483 00:18:37,099 --> 00:18:38,500 And all the money your parents spent 484 00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:39,551 will be for nothin'! 485 00:18:39,569 --> 00:18:40,735 Now go get him! 486 00:18:41,838 --> 00:18:42,888 - Damn it. 487 00:18:47,944 --> 00:18:49,477 Tweek, please don't leave 488 00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:50,678 - Why, Craig? 489 00:18:50,780 --> 00:18:53,047 Because you need me to make triple A tier? 490 00:18:53,116 --> 00:18:54,448 - Yes. 491 00:18:54,517 --> 00:18:56,083 And because I want you around. 492 00:18:56,084 --> 00:18:57,586 - If you wanted me around, you never would have 493 00:18:57,587 --> 00:18:59,087 joined this in the first place. 494 00:18:59,189 --> 00:19:00,321 - You joined it too. 495 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:01,956 - Yes, to be with you! 496 00:19:01,957 --> 00:19:04,426 But all it does is completely consume your life! 497 00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:06,461 I don't understand why you'd want to do it! 498 00:19:06,462 --> 00:19:08,963 - Because I am freaking out, OK? 499 00:19:08,964 --> 00:19:10,866 They told me I wouldn't have a future! 500 00:19:10,867 --> 00:19:12,501 They said I would get left behind 501 00:19:12,502 --> 00:19:13,936 and that I wouldn't get into college and... 502 00:19:13,937 --> 00:19:14,970 [screaming] 503 00:19:14,971 --> 00:19:16,370 - [screaming] 504 00:19:17,869 --> 00:19:20,042 - [breathing heavily] 505 00:19:20,043 --> 00:19:21,793 What if I don't achieve anything? 506 00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:24,046 What-what if everyone else is better than me? 507 00:19:24,047 --> 00:19:26,814 What if I'm not pushing myself to have a future, 508 00:19:26,883 --> 00:19:27,949 and competing to- 509 00:19:28,017 --> 00:19:30,017 - Craig, Craig! 510 00:19:30,053 --> 00:19:31,619 It's OK. 511 00:19:31,688 --> 00:19:33,921 You gotta calm down, man. 512 00:19:38,061 --> 00:19:41,128 I didn't know you were feeling all this. 513 00:19:41,197 --> 00:19:43,364 But trust me... 514 00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,800 I know exactly what it's like. 515 00:19:45,902 --> 00:19:47,768 You can't let them get to you. 516 00:19:47,871 --> 00:19:49,804 It's OK to just be a kid for a while 517 00:19:49,873 --> 00:19:52,073 and enjoy the little things. 518 00:19:55,912 --> 00:19:58,479 - Oh, shit, I forgot our anniversary, didn't I? 519 00:19:58,548 --> 00:19:59,881 [soft music] 520 00:19:59,916 --> 00:20:01,182 - It's OK, Craig. 521 00:20:01,251 --> 00:20:03,117 - No, it's not. 522 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:05,354 You make me happier than anyone in the world. 523 00:20:05,355 --> 00:20:06,985 I don't know what happened to me. 524 00:20:07,023 --> 00:20:08,389 - I do. 525 00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,558 You got swindled by a fat con man 526 00:20:10,593 --> 00:20:12,493 who played into your anxieties. 527 00:20:12,595 --> 00:20:14,595 And then that played into mine. 528 00:20:14,664 --> 00:20:18,566 But I'm gonna be hopeful about our future. 529 00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:25,306 - ? Love can heal ? 530 00:20:25,408 --> 00:20:26,574 ? ? 531 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:30,645 ? Love can heal ? 532 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,446 - Hey, where you going? 533 00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,748 You're triple A! 534 00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:36,250 Don't get left behind! 535 00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:42,556 - ? Love can heal ? 536 00:20:42,625 --> 00:20:48,863 ? Love can heal ? 537 00:20:48,932 --> 00:20:50,598 ? ? 538 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:56,671 ? Love can heal ? 539 00:20:56,773 --> 00:20:58,606 ? ? 540 00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:04,679 ? Love can heal ? 541 00:21:04,781 --> 00:21:20,060 ? ? 542 00:21:20,110 --> 00:21:24,660 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0